It's still not worth taking a photo of my belly yet. I remember being totally obsessed last time with how much I was showing (or not) around this time too, so that's nothing unusual.
We've been trying to explain to Cassia that Mama has a baby growing in her tummy. She can say the words back to us, but we're not entirely sure they have any meaning for her. Fortunately during our last week in Australia we visited P, F & J. F was 38 weeks pregnant at the time and her "big tummy" impressed Cassia enough that she still remembers it. So we've been saying "Remember how Aunty F had a big tummy? She had a baby in there! And Mama's got a baby in her tummy too. It's still pretty small now but it'll get bigger." We've also been looking through our old photo collection for pics of when I was pregnant with Cassia. That's been fun and interesting too. Check this one out.
Wanna take a stab at how pregnant I was then? 39+3. She was born four days later. It's good to have this reminder, though. Stops me obsessing over how "small" I am.It was also interesting to see photos of me from around the 20 week mark. My boobs were (comparatively) huge! I wonder if that'll happen again this time. Oh! That reminds me -- Cassia has been weaned. YAY. Actually I'd like to reflect on that in more detail later so I'll hold that thought for a separate post.
A few weeks ago I was beginning to find the search for a midwife extremely stressful and decided to take a few weeks off to just relax and gestate. Unfortunately, birth politics in Australia chose exactly the same time to get a whole lot more heated and now homebirthers are staring down the barrel of being forced into hospital (it might take a while, but it's inevitable that freebirthing will also become illegal). The reality of something I suspected but was trying to ignore hit me really hard on Sunday: I would be one of those women ineligible for a homebirth even if I lived next door to a hospital offering a homebirth program because of my high risk status. Yep, I'm high risk because I've had a previous miscarriage and a history of GBS. (Of course, I'd refuse to take all the stupid tests they "offer" which would get me booted off the program too.) Anyway, absorbing the reality of the situation in which I and so many of my homebirthing sisters were so broken by our hospital experience that forcing us back there is akin to forcing a rape victim back to the scene of the crime made me go into shock while standing in line at the supermarket. I felt nauseous, light-headed, went pale and started sweating. By God's mercy I remained upright long enough to get my change, move to the side and rip into the container of pineapple pieces I'd just bought but that's as close as I ever want to get to fainting, thanks very much.
One of the things that devastates me so much about the direction we are headed is that eventually there is going to be a total lack of accountability for the hospital system. Stamping out independent midwifery, which is a voice in the wilderness championing the cause of natural childbirth (because it doesn't matter how much stuff you read on the internet -- the future of which is also up for debate when you read the proposed legislation -- if you can't find people to support you to have a natural birth, you won't get one), is stamping out the only real opposition to what is currently happening that exists. I foresee a continuing rise in interventions and caesarean rates and it BREAKS MY HEART TO THINK MY OWN DAUGHTER IS VERY LIKELY TO END UP WITH UNNECESSARY MAJOR ABDOMINAL SURGERY by virtue of being a woman designed by God to give birth. And people wonder why I'm so upset about this.
Anyway. We press on, remembering that women all over the world have been given a terribly raw deal since the very beginning and nothing has really changed even in supposedly enlightened, progressive free countries like Australia. It's another sign of the times and God speed the day it all ends.
On a lighter note for the sake of my own sanity, we're making some more progress with potty training. It's very slow progress, and that's OK, but it's exciting nonetheless. We've had a few more wees and even one poo! I would LOVE to have her out of nappies for good by the time this next baby arrives. I've got about five months, but there'll be a major interruption in the form of another trip to Australia right in the middle of it, so I don't know for sure whether it'll happen or not. And even if it did, I've heard so many times that toddlers "regress" when a baby sibling comes on the scene so we'll just see how it goes, take it as it comes. But it's fun watching and participating in Cassia's development anyway.
OK, that's about it. I've been sitting here for five minutes trying to think of something relevant to say but I'm done. 'Til later.
2 comments:
The pic of you pregnant with C, you look awesome!!!! No dowbt you will again with this wee bub.
There is so much to say aout what is happening. I have no idea where to start. My throat hurts and tears well just thinking about it.
If only all the Obs in Australia felt the same way as the likes of Marsden Wagner.
Yay with C and toilet learning. She will get, slowly, but surely :)
I was tiny too. :) Can't remember when the first movement was, as I don't think I even recognized it until I was further along.
As for what our daughters will face with birth... I dunno, I'm hopeful that there will be a swing back towards natural childbirth by then. Most of the women I know are passionate about it. And there is info - like that Business of Being Born movie - that show all the interventions are harmful to women. Even when I look back to the options women had twenty years ago, I think we've made progress. One of my friends was really excited that I'd had a natural childbirth, because her mother had a homebirth in a time when it wasn't done.
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